


Instinct

by LittleMissSyreid



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Disney, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4544628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissSyreid/pseuds/LittleMissSyreid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is introduced to the Avengers but refuses to be touched. You find a way through his defences and it proves to be the beginning of a wonderful relationship between the two of you. However, can you pull through when it really matters?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When It Counts

**Author's Note:**

> This was requested on Tumblr and I'm uploading here too because it's a little longer than my other ones. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Bucky's anxieties almost cost him his life, the reader is forced to step in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter of them all. The other chapters are just short little follow-ups. Enjoy!

Today was the day.

The Avengers lined up in the training room, biting lips, clenching jaws or drumming their fingers nervously. Anxieties were high and the air was thick with tension because today the team was being introduced to the Winter Soldier. Steve had spent months tracking him down and, after finally doing so, was able to convince him of his identity. You’d received word last week that he was intending to bring the Winter Soldier back to the tower for the first time and since then, everyone had been on edge.

Naturally, Natasha was holding a grudge. Her hand grazed thoughtlessly over her hip where a scar resided and every now and then you could see her mind wandering, presumably to the day that SHIELD fell. Aside from Steve, she had gotten close and personal with the man – though not on the friendliest of terms.

You were also particularly nervous about meeting The Winter Soldier. Frankly, you didn’t think you deserved to be here. You’d only been in the Avengers for a few months and didn’t feel as though you were important enough to be included in such a huge event. Worse still, you were first in line, wringing your hands together. What if you did something wrong? What if you said something that hurt him or made him violent? What if-

The door slid open. You could hear everyone’s breath hitch – including your own. Steve walked in slowly and gave everybody a solemn nod.

Then  _he_  walked in.

You’d done your research. Long shaggy black hair, a metal arm and a mask were the pictures clogging up the SHIELD database. This could not be that man. His long hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, some strands falling across his face, and he wore an open hoodie that accompanied the black jeans and trainers. It was unsettling. He looked so…  _ordinary._  His hands were in his pockets but the gap between his left sleeve and his pocket showed the silver of his metal hand. The cold light of the room bounced off of it distractingly.

When the Winter Soldier’s eyes locked onto yours, you gasped. People always say that you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes but he was hiding everything behind them. You continued to hold his gaze as the duo approached.   
“(Y/n)…” Steve said deeply. “This is James.”  _James_. You thought. He didn’t look like a James. Holding out your hand, you spoke quietly.   
“Hello.” James folded his arms across his chest and cleared his throat. Tilting your head, you looked to Steve for an explanation.   
“He’s a bit… anxious. He doesn’t want anyone to touch him.”    
“Oh. I see.” You gave James another, thinner, smile. He looked away from you with dark eyes. You couldn’t figure out what he was thinking or feeling – was he scared? Ashamed? Apologetic? He was tricky to read. Knowing that you were being watched by the rest of the team, you took a risk.

You turned your palm towards him with your fingers splayed, like you were waiting for a high-five.   
“Here.” You said. James turned to face you and knitted his eyebrows in confusion. Steve had begun to bite his lip too.   
“You don’t want people to touch you, I understand that. So you can touch me… if you want. That way, you can stay in control. You only do it for as long as you want to and it doesn’t have to progress any further than that.” The edges of his eyes crinkled slightly and his eyes glittered.

Steve was looking from James to you and back again. You could tell that he was anxious but at the same time, he knew that it wasn’t his decision to make. After a little more silence, the man’s hand slid out of his pockets. Cool metal graced your palm and he narrowed his eyes whilst trying to line up your fingertips. You held the gesture for several seconds, watching his face for a reaction. His eyes remained dark but still held the earlier shine that had appeared.   
“Nice to meet you.” You eventually smiled. James pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes again; he was focusing. With a small gasp, you realised what he was doing. His metal fingers slipped in between yours and eventually he was completely holding your hand in his own – a gesture you hadn’t expected. Taking the look he gave you as confirmation, you let your fingers also fold around his.

James smiled at you. It was a good smile, a nice smile. There was pain behind it but for the time being, he seemed calm. Until Tony spoke.   
“Get a room.” He muttered. James’ head whirled around and he glared daggers at the man, immediately pulling his hand away. Your hand felt strangely empty without his.

* * *

As weeks went by the team became used to having Bucky, as you had been allowed to call him, around. He didn’t speak much and still refused to be touched by anyone but he was becoming quite good company. In fact, the two of you struck up quite a strong friendship. You were the only one that Bucky would touch, even if it was solely using the odd little greeting you’d created. His eyes would light up when you walked into a room and he would often trot to your side to partake in the action.

“Bucky’s taken quite a liking to you.” Clint said over a drink one morning. Bucky was on the other side of the room and was watching the television – you’d leant him your DVD of Disney’s  _Tarzan_  and he’d almost worn it out. You nodded with a smile.   
“I’m glad he’s feeling more settled in.”   
“That’s not what I meant.” He smirked before taking a sip of coffee. Before you could question his words, Tony rushed into the room.   
“Avengers? Suit up. Potential threat pulling into the docks. We’re looking at roughly 500 armed gunmen so we’re gonna need everyone.” He turned to face Bucky who had paused the DVD to pay attention.   
“ _Everyone._ ” He reiterated with a nod. Then he promptly turned and left. You and Clint shared a glance – this would be Bucky’s first mission since joining the team.

You emptied your gun into the pirate’s chest. He writhed a little before collapsing to the floor. Taking a minute to catch your breath, you leant against the boxes which had been your cover. The boat was pulling into the docks fast. In the centre of the ship was a clock that counted down using the red numbers from every classic action movie ever – when it reached zero, a bomb would explode and release a deadly neurotoxin onto the streets of New York. Whilst you and the other Avengers dealt with the crew, Tony and Steve were working their way into the centre of the ship to disarm the explosive. Natasha and Clint were working through the left outer side of the ship whilst you and Bucky ran up the right.

“You good?” You asked between pants and your partner nodded, dishevelling his long dark hair gloriously. He leapt over the boxes and you followed, only just managing to keep up with him as he pelted forward. You were nearly at the head of the ship so Bucky paused by the corner and held out his arm. With a few clicks, you’d dropped and reloaded a magazine into your gun and nodded. Ready.

He pulled a knife from his belt (you always wondered why he preferred that weapon) and ran out. Swiftly following, you fired your gun precisely. Left. Right. Centre. Left again. They dropped like flies and you couldn’t help but smirk. Bucky had encountered a nearby group and was barrelling through them, stabbing and slashing – he was truly captivating to watch when he got going.

Soon your weapon was empty and the pull of the trigger only resulted in the clicking of your weapon. Holstering it, you resorted to fist-fighting the remaining threats until soon the crew was thinned. Bucky was engaging with 2 others on the other side of the ship as you heard Steve’s voice over the intercom.   
“Bomb’s been disabled. We’re beginning the extraction of the neurovirus. Keep them off our backs a little while longer.”

You turned to see if Bucky had heard the order when you noticed a lone gunmen sneaking up behind him. Thinking quickly, you pulled the knife from your boot and launched it. The blade lodged into the man’s throat but not before he let 4 shots rip into the Winter Soldier’s back.   
“BUCKY!” You screamed. Leaping over bodies, you reached his side as he hit the floor.

Nat and Clint reached the front of the ship just in time to hear your cry and hurried forward.   
“Steve! Bucky’s down. I repeat, Bucky’s been shot.” Black Widow relayed into her earpiece. Bucky was writhing and groaning, his hand on his chest. The wound was gushing blood at an alarming rate. Clint kneeled down next to the soldier and placed his hands on the man’s shoulder in an attempt to turn him over. Immediately Bucky recoiled and screamed like an animal.   
“You can’t touch him…” You whimpered, realising the predicament you were in as he rolled onto his side, away from you.  

Clint ran a hand through his hair and sighed, puffing out his cheeks in exasperation. Then he clicked his fingers. He pointed to you.   
“You…” He whispered.   
“Me?”   
“You. He lets you touch him.”   
“Clint,” you explained, “that’s n-not what that is. This is serious – he needs help and I d-don’t know what to do, I’m just-”

“(Y/n), for once in your life, just shut up. He’s different around you, everyone can see it and right now, it’s all we’ve got. I could patch him up well enough to get him off the ship but not without touching him so I’ll just have to tell you what to do instead. But we’ve got to do it now. It’s up to you.”

You looked from Bucky to Clint and back again. He was right. Sitting more comfortably on your knees, you tucked your hair behind your ear and leaned in to Bucky.   
“Bucky, can you hear me?” He groaned but you took it as a ‘Yes’.   
“You’re hit pretty bad, Buck, and we… I can help but I’m going to have to touch you. Is that ok?” He stopped writhing.

He slowly shifted from his side, returning to his back and hissing at the pain. Once he’d finished moving you could see his face again and there was blood on his mouth. Was his lung punctured?  _Shit._  You couldn’t do this. What if you made it worse? What if it killed him? What if-

Sensing your distress, Bucky lifted the blooded silver hand away from his chest. He stretched it out to you and kept his fingers splayed. With a deep and ragged intake of breath, you reached out and placed your hand gently against his, not caring about the blood dripping from his fingers.   
“You… You can do this.” He whispered hoarsely. You nodded and gulped before turning to Clint.   
“Okay.” He said. “Let’s get started.

Back at Avengers Tower, Bucky was sleeping peacefully. After you’d stitched him up, he hadn’t let go of your hand and you hadn’t tried to remove it either. He was taken back to Banner and a bandage was expertly wrapped around his torso. It was slowly becoming a gentle pink where some of the blood had begun to seep through. Your eyes stayed on Bucky, watching his chest rise and fall softly. The repetitive movement was oddly hypnotic and calming - you hadn’t even seen someone else appear.    
“You did good today, kid.”

Steve leaned against the door frame looking tired and worn. However, judging by his reaction when you turned to face him, you looked worse.   
“Have you slept?” You shook your head.   
“I tried. Couldn’t do it.”   
“What about food? How much have you eaten?” He stepped into the room with his arms folded, walking towards you slowly.   
“Would you believe me if I said the same thing as before?”

Steve looked down and smiled.   
“He won’t thank you for that.”   
“He’d bloody better! Or else next time I’ll just let him bleed-”  
“Not  _that._ ” Steve chuckled. “He’d feel guilty knowing you weren’t taking care of yourself just to take care of him.” Steve pried your hand out of Bucky’s.   
“Go get some rest, maybe a taco or something. I’ll come and get you if he wakes up.”

Something about the situation had dissolved your appetite and, no matter how much your stomach grumbled, you couldn’t eat a thing. But your sleepiness was something you couldn’t ignore and so you curled up on the sofa, yawning briefly before your lights dimmed. You were awoken by a gentle shaking though you couldn’t be sure how long you’d been asleep. However long it was, it wasn’t long enough. You groaned and murmured something incomprehensible before opening your eyes. Steve’s bright smile greeted you.   
“Somebody’s asking for you.”

Bucky let a small grin creep onto his lips when he saw you. Stepping back into the lab, you held out your hand and spread your fingers whilst walking towards him slowly. Bucky winced a little as he tried to move his arm so you dropped your hand.   
“Don’t worry.” You smiled sadly.   
“How’re you feeling?”   
“I got shot 4 times. How do you think I’m feeling?” He smirked, looking down.   
“Perfectly normal by the sounds of things.” Bucky grinned sheepishly. When Bruce entered the room, the smile dropped from his face – why he was only friendly with you, you’d never understand.

“(Y/n), I wonder that you might help me.” The doctor began and you tilted your head curiously. Banner cleared his throat.   
“Barnes was unconscious for most of the surgery and that was the only reason we were able to do anything but now that he is awake… Well, we need to change the bandage, you see.” You turned to Bucky.   
“You alright with that?” He nodded and looked down self-consciously.

As Banner began to search for the clean bandage, you set to work removing the old one. Sitting on Bucky’s bedside, you leaned forward and gently placed your fingertips on the bandage. Bucky flinched and instinctively began to move backwards.   
“It’s okay… I’m not going to hurt you. You’re fine.” You whispered reassuringly but Bucky shook his head and let his mouth open slightly.   
“Is that what you think?” He said and you blinked.

Continuing to loosen the bandage, you nodded.   
“If it isn’t, then what is it?” Bucky paused, before looking to his arm.   
“I know what I’m capable of. I know what I can do to a person. If someone were to touch me and my instincts were to kick in… What’s to stop me from doing it again?” You closed your eyes and sighed, the realisation hitting you like a brick. The bandage slipped off of Bucky as you lowered your arms, revealing the wound underneath. It was a dark crimson scar that had spread like a flower.

Bruce passed you the clean bandage with a warm grin before leaving. Once you had finished securing it in place, you let your fingers linger on the cloth. He realised what you were feeling and lifted his hand up again, spreading his fingers. You gently mirrored the action.   
“All better.” You smiled wistfully but he shook his head.   
“Not quite.”

Bucky leaned forward. He knew that his fear was irrational and the feelings you instilled within him made him want to overcome it. So he kissed you. And it was strange. At first he wanted to pull away and cower and cry with fright. But then something changed. Maybe it was the way your lips felt against his or maybe it was the realisation that he was completely safe. Either way, Bucky felt all his fears disappear in that kiss.

Bucky’s kiss took you by surprise. It was warm and tender and full of compassion – once it was over, you felt lost and cold. You bit your lip afterward, a mischievous smile gracing your newly-kissed lips.   
“If I’d known that was what it took to make you feel better, I’d have shot you myself.” You smirked and Bucky laughed. This was a nice feeling. Or it was until yet another realisation hit you.

Steve was going to murder you.


	2. Betting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds out about the reader and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more fluffiness in this chapter - specifically hugging. Lots of hugging for the ball of precious fluff that is Bucky.

Bucky’s arms were comfortably around your waist as the credits for  _Tarzan_ rolled across the screen - again. Ever since the day that he’d kissed you, he’d become increasingly more comfortable with physical contact. Your relationship had also steadily progressed into something more romantic, though you’d kept it a secret for the last few weeks. Bucky’s newfound confidence was frequently put into practice and, when he could get away with it, he would take your hand, kiss the top of your forehead, link your little fingers or even put his arm around you.

By far his favourite thing to do now was cuddle. You found the idea of a revered ex-assassin being a soft and cuddly person rather amusing but when his arms were around you, all thoughts from your head disappeared – the monitor would flat line. He could make your heart race and your skin tingle in the most gloriously giddy way. This was one of those times. Bucky sat on the end of the sofa, leaning against the arm of it, and you were sat between his legs, leaning against his chest. His arms were wrapped around your torso leaving his hands to gently rest on your hips - he’d become  _very_  good at hugging.

“Want to watch it again?” You asked, tilting your head upwards to look up him. Something about Bucky’s jawline made him very attractive from underneath.   
“Nah. It’ll be the 3rd time.” He chuckled, making you bounce a little as his chest rumbled.   
“I don’t mind. It’s a good film. If you want to watch it again, we can.”   
“You’re too good to me.”   
“Don’t say that. You’re lovely.” You grinned and Bucky cut off your smile by covering your mouth with his own. It wasn’t the first time you’d kissed since that day but he never failed to surprise you.

You were interrupted, however, when somebody walked into the room.   
“Hey Bucky, I just wanted to – what the hell?” Steve said. You ripped yourself away from Bucky and scrambled to the end of the sofa, covering your mouth as if it might hide your guilt though it was already too late. You had been spotted.   
“What’s this then?” Steve chuckled, failing to suppress the amusement in his voice. You hurried to your feet and tried to smooth the creases that Bucky’s hug had created on your shirt.   
“Steve, please don’t freak out, Bucky and I were just-”  
“Why would I freak out?” He folded his arms across his chest and jutted his chin out curiously.

Bucky had risen to his feet also and looked between you and Steve.   
“I don’t want you to think that…” You mumbled, words trailing off. Seeing your discomfort, Bucky took your hand and you suddenly realised how the tables had turned. For once, he was comforting you rather than the other way around. With a deep intake of breath, you continued.   
“I’m not taking advantage of his vulnerability. I genuinely care for him.” You stated with as much passion as you possessed. Bucky hadn’t taken his eyes off of you. He smiled at your declaration before lifting your hand and kissing it. Steve studied your interactions meticulously.   
“I don’t doubt it.” He said, beginning to beam.

“You mean you’re not mad…?” Bucky asked.   
“Why would I be mad? I had a bet with Stark you two would hook by the end of this week. I just won fifty bucks.” He laughed and you let your mouth drop open. Steve held up his hands defensively, offering a better explanation.   
“Alright, alright. I’ll be honest. From the minute you met Bucky, you were the only one that could break down his defences. Was I little frustrated that you could do it and I couldn’t? Maybe, at first. But I quickly realised how he cared for you and vice versa. I was glad that somebody was able to help him, even if it wasn’t me.”

You laughed breathily and Bucky smiled but remained quiet.   
“I hope this means that you’re feeling more comfortable in your own skin.” Steve asked, turning now to Bucky. The Winter Soldier turned, looking at his friend with deeply apologetic eyes. It was unexpected and shocking. It was both quick and slow. Bucky took his hand out of yours and stepped forward, holding it out to Steve instead. You widened your eyes and looked to Cap. He was speechless. You even thought that you could see tears threatening to escape. His mouth was open but the corners were wavering upwards.

Cautiously, Steve shook Bucky’s hand. Your heart burst like a firework. Smiling massively, you watched the two friends concrete their friendship in that shake. It didn’t last for more than a few seconds but the magnitude of the occasion made it last for an eternity, as their friendship would, no doubt. After giving an appreciative nod, Steve took himself out of the room leaving the pair of you alone once more. As he wandered down the corridor, he called back:   
“Make good choices!” You could practically hear the smugness in his voice but you ignored it.

Quickly, you wrapped your arms around Bucky’s waist and buried your face into his chest. He stumbled back a little but soon recovered, letting his hands fall over your shoulders.   
“I’m  _so_  proud of you, Buck.” You whispered. He hummed and lightly kissed your head.   
“I couldn’t have done it without you.” He replied afterwards. You squeezed him tighter and he chuckled again. His laughter sounded like music and his hugs felt like sunlight. In that moment you knew that things would be okay, both for you and James, just so long as you had each other.


	3. Pay the Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more angsty this chapter but Tony gets what's coming to him.

You knocked twice but Bucky didn’t respond. Twisting the handle, you peered around the edge of the door to see a shirtless Bucky sat nonchalantly on the bedside. In front of him was a photo album. He didn’t look up when you stepped into the room.   
“Buck…?” You whispered, walking forward. Again he ignored you, continuing to stare at the book. His hand trailed over one of the pictures nostalgically but he quickly pulled it away to wipe something from his eye.

Bucky remained silent, even when you sat on the bed behind him. Wrapping your arms around his torso, you peered at the album over his shoulder. Lots of black and white photos lined the pages containing two familiar faces. The pair were always smiling. You allowed a smile of your own to creep its way wistfully onto your face as you pored over the images.   
“What’s wrong Buck?” You said, letting your arms loosen around him. He turned, acknowledging your presence for the first time, and looked at you. His eyes were red and bloodshot and, upon further inspection, you could see see-through silver lines decorating his cheeks.

Bucky pulled the photo album onto his lap.   
“Look at him.” He said, voice coarse and cracked with emotion.   
“Who, darling? Steve?” Bucky shook his head, disturbing his mane of darkened hair.   
“No.  _The other guy._ ” He hissed. You’d only ever heard Bruce use such a description. The words were spoken with such contempt, such hatred and loathing. You didn’t understand. You  _couldn’t_ understand.   
“Bucky, that’s you.” Again, he shook his head.

“No, not anymore.” You caught Bucky’s glance flickering to his shoulder where skin met metal.   
“That’s not me. He’s the good guy, the hero, he’s the one you deserve and I’m just…”  _Just._  There was nothing “just” about him and you owed him proof of that. You pressed your lips into his and felt him melt under your touch. When his eyes fluttered closed, tears were pushed onto his face and they rolled down the pathways left by their predecessors. Placing a hand on the back of his neck, you held his forehead against your own after pulling away.

“Don’t you  _ever_  think that I don’t love you as you are, right here right now. Do you understand me Bucky Barnes?” After a moment, he grinned, nodded gently and sniffed.   
“Yes, ma’am.” You stroked his cheek with your thumb.   
“Good man.”

You released him and shut the book.   
“Now come on, Tony is on the brink of paying Steve that $50. He wants us there before any monetary exchanges are made.” You stood up and placed the album on the bedside cabinet whilst Bucky threw a shirt on. You made a mental note to deal with it later. When Bucky turned around you were stood by the door, holding out your hands to him. The ends of his mouth flickered upwards. Instead of taking your hands, he surpassed them and drew you into his embrace once more. His arms snaked around your lower back so that you were lifted off of the ground slightly. In turn you nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

“I’ll try and be a good person (y/n). I’ll make sure I’m as good now as I was then.”  
“You don’t do a damn thing, do you hear me? You stay exactly as you are.” You kissed the side of his face and squeezed him a little tighter. He let out a nervous breath and planted his lips on your shoulder affectionately.

Suddenly, a forceful banging exuded from the door and disturbed you. There was never any doubt as to who was going to be on the other side of it.   
“(Y/n)! Buck! I really hope you’re not doing what I think you’re doing in there otherwise I’m going to be $50 poorer.” Tony shouted from the other side.   
“Like you can’t afford it!” Bucky yelled back and you chuckled. Slowly Bucky let you back down.

When you opened the door, Tony was in the middle of pounding his fist against it but Bucky managed to grasp Stark’s hand before it collided with your face. You let out a breath that you hadn’t realised you’d gasped as a result. Twisting Tony’s hand behind his back, Bucky began to force the former down the hallway.

“Now then Stark, I believe you owe a friend of mine some money.”


End file.
